Long to Short

RY, AY and DY have been growing their hair out for a few years. Their hair got pretty long, down into the middle of their backs. It created extra work for sure but their hair was fine and straight enough that it didn’t need too much care. It did require the occasional thorough wash and a good brush from time to time. We re-discovered hair conditioner, which I haven’t used since the 80’s and that made brushing much easier. 

The greatest inconvenience brought by their long hair was that it always got into everything, especially the shorter locks of hair that weren’t long enough to be pulled back into a ponytail and the wild baby hairs that poked out in every direction. AY generally managed to keep her hair well tied up and out of her face but RY and DY always had those short locks and baby hair in their eyes, covering their faces and falling into their food.

If it were up to me, simply out of practicality, my kids would all have short hair. A few years back when RY first started growing out his hair, I asked him to cut it because it was getting in the way all the time. AY had already been growing her hair out for a while but… she’s a girl. In Shanghai, it is very unusual for boys to have long hair. You have the occasional boy with slightly “longer” K-pop inspired hair, sometimes permed or sculpted, but very infrequently do you encounter a boy with just long, straight hair. 

But RY wanted to grow it out, so we humored him and didn’t think too much of it. When it got past his shoulders, strangers began assuming he was a girl, our daughter or AY’s sister. With great interest, I observed how he responded to these strangers. He didn’t hesitate to tell others directly, without embarrassment and as a matter of fact, “I’m a boy” or “I’m her brother.” I felt amused and proud by the way he reacted. He felt obliged to correct them but wasn’t bothered by what other people thought.

Then DY decided he wanted to grow his hair out too. He started refusing hair-cuts and said he wanted long hair. So we ended up with three kids with long hair. Often, bystanders would mistake our family for four daughters.

Initially, I tolerated it, eventually accepted it and ultimately found joy in their long hair. I loved seeing them playing or running outside with their wild and unruly hair. When the wind was strong, their hair was blown into all different directions as if the wind would carry them away like loose kites in its current. When they would lie in bed, their hair would fan out onto the pillow like the feathers of a peacock. 

On school day mornings, at my request, each of them would have their hair tied down into a neat little ponytail. By the end of the day when they returned home, DY’s hair was always messy and disheveled, the hairband unable to contain his wild hair for too long. 

In preparation for the trip, I told them that they would each have to cut their hair. The reason is simply practical as short hair is easier to keep clean. At first, I was met with some resistance because they felt like the long hair was a part of them. Eventually they agreed to cut it because well, it’s just hair and if they don’t like it short, it will just grow back. We got the idea, from a friend of RY’s who had done it before, to donate their hair to make wigs for children with cancer. All of the kids were really keen to do that. 

We searched online for some organizations in China but were not able to find any so we decided on an organization in the US called Children with Hair Loss. We found out that they required a minimum length of 10 in (25 cm) for donation so only RY and AY qualified.  

RY and AY didn’t have a strong opinion about what kind of hairstyle they would like. DY was a bit more apprehensive so we looked through some photos online. He insisted that he didn’t want his ears showing so decided on a skater-ish cut that covered his ears. I would have preferred it to be shorter, but the cut looks really cute on DY and it suits him.

For RY, I gave him a style that I’ve seen on a few other pre-teen boys. It is short at the sides and back with a little fringe at the front. Almost the entire cut is done with scissors with just the buzzer to clean up the edges. RY immediately loved it mainly because it was so quick to wash and when he lies down on his pillow, his neck and back feel cool.

For AY, I gave her a neck-length bob cut that is longer in the front. I knew this cut would look great on her because she has a nice jawline and I think she is drawn to edgier looks. Immediately after the cut, AY said she loved it! 

I was talking to RY after the haircut and I asked him why he wanted to have long hair in the first place. He said it was a way to be different from others. I reminded him that there are lots of different ways to express his individuality and many ways have nothing to do with the way we look. Pragmatically speaking, if he doesn’t like his new cut, there is nothing to lose because hair will just grow back.

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If you are interested in learning more about donating your hair to an organization that makes wigs for children with cancer, there are a number of non-profits in the US that do this good work. RY and AY donated their hair to the below organization and they each received a thank you email and a certificate for their donation.

Children with Hair Loss

https://childrenwithhairloss.org