Life Lessons from Kenya

1. Fear of the unknown is an old friend.
It is normal to feel anxiety, fear and trepidation before making any big change in life. Before we left Shanghai, there were moments when I wondered if embarking on this trip would be a mistake. Would I come to regret leaving such a blessed life for something completely unknown.

At every major juncture in my life, I have had this feeling and asked the questions. Will it be worth it? Should I risk what I already have? Over the years, the feelings, the fear, have become like an old friend. I greet my old friend and we spend time together. I’m grateful for his visit because of the opportunity he brings. If he thinks I am deserving, he will give way and introduce me to the one that I have been waiting for, the great unknown.

2. There is unimaginable beauty everywhere.
Sometimes we get so caught up in our lives that we become blind to the beauty around us. When work becomes a chore, we become desensitized to the gleaming cityscape of our magnificent metropolis when we finally get off work. When our lives become routine and dull, we become deaf to the sound of birds chirping or children laughing and when we notice them, may even consider them an annoyance. When we become accustomed to being apart from nature, shutting ourselves in our homes, we become irritated by sun, rain, wind and dust. When we are not happy with ourselves, the actions of others annoy us and we spend our time lamenting and complaining about everybody else.

The truth is that if we make the effort to notice, there is unimaginable beauty everywhere. During our month in Kenya, there were too many moments of awe-inspiring beauty – some big and some small, some captured in photos and others captured in my memory, some concrete and some abstract, some actual and some projected. When we can see the beauty around us, we become more deeply a part of this beautiful world.

3. We have more in common than not.
During our month in Kenya, we met many Kenyans who are seemingly so different from us. Our Maasai guide, David, with whom we spent more than two weeks traveling in Maasailand, was born and raised in the Mara. He has never left Kenya and has no more than a basic education. He has two wives and eight children. He measures his wealth in cows and his favorite meal is ungali, beef and fresh unpasteurized milk.

On the surface, there doesn’t appear to be much in common. But, in just two weeks, it is possible to develop a real connection and friendship with someone that is seemingly so different. Through the prism of mutual respect, understanding, kindness, generosity and acceptance, we got to know David and he got to know our family. He became an integral part of our experience and memories in Kenya such that without him, our month here would have been only a shadow of all that we experienced.

When we were swimming in the turquoise pool beneath the waterfall at Ngare Ndare, we and the kids coaxed David to come into the water. He doesn’t know how to swim and had only been in the water one other time in his life. To our delight, he put on the life jacket and waded into the water. Leo encouraged him to paddle out to the deeper area under the waterfall. The sound of the waterfall was so loud that it drowned out all other sounds. No words were needed as the two of them smiled like children with the water splashing onto their heads and into their eyes. Leo and David are two men that couldn’t be more different. But somehow, they are exactly the same – gregarious, generous, patient, open-minded, positive and ready to embrace adventure.

4. You can’t outwit nature in the long run.
I read a book a few months ago called “Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind” by Yuval Noah Harari. The first part of his book explains how homo sapiens became the dominant species on Earth. The explanation the author gives is that humans have the very unique ability to do two things – the ability to imagine a reality that doesn’t yet exist and the ability to organize others of their species on a large scale (above 50). Humans have used these two unique abilities to create belief systems (like religion, nationalities, affiliations, etc.) and then organize and mobilize societies according to those belief systems. From ancient times, humans have created advanced societies with belief-systems, armies, architecture, etc. like Ancient Egypt and modern human civilization has seen technological marvels unimagined just 100 years ago, like artificial intelligence. Humans seem somehow pre-destined for greatness.

But if you look at the big picture, human existence and preeminence is but a tiny speck on the time-line of the planet Earth. If the existence of Earth was a 24-hour clock, life appeared at 4 am, land plants began at 9:52 pm, mammals arrived at 11:38 pm, dinosaurs went extinct at 11:41 pm and humans only just appeared at 11:58:43 pm.

Humans indeed are clever, but we aren’t clever enough to outwit mother nature. After 300,000 years of existence and a few thousand spent developing complex civilizations, we have done unspeakable damage to our environment through land and marine degradation, destruction of biodiversity, pollution, etc. We are literally destroying the environment and killing off nearly every other living species in order to grow our own. But this is a self-defeating prophecy because in the process, we have destroyed the delicate balance of nature. Humans have a seat at the table but nature is the table itself.

Each species has its unique place and purpose in the ecosystem. When one or more species is extracted, the ecosystem collapses. Temporary measures can be taken to prop up the ecosystem but nature plays the long game. During our visits to National Parks and conservancies, we have come face to face with so many species that are endangered. Almost all of the animals we viewed in their natural habitats in Masai Mara, the lions, cheetahs, giraffes, Thomson gazelles, etc are all endangered. We saw the functionally extinct northern white rhino with the last two remaining females living in Ol Pejeta. We visited the chimpanzee sanctuary in Ol Pejeta that give abused chimpanzees a good home for their remaining years. We spent time at the Local Ocean Conservation in Watamu that is trying to save the sea turtles and the Giraffe Center in Nairobi that has been working to save the Rothschild giraffe.

Many people and organizations are doing good work to reverse the damage we have done. But is it too late? It is mother nature who will issue the final verdict.

5. Choose your partner wisely.
Some people know the story of how Leo and I met. The first time that I met Leo, I knew that I would marry him. I saw in him something special that was different from the others though I didn’t know exactly what it was at the time. With the wisdom and clarity that comes with age, I know now what I saw then. Courage to think differently. Strength to follow through with action. Trust in the universe and the goodness of people. Constant pursuit of learning and knowledge. Never lazy. Unfailingly resourceful and always willing to try.

In our years together, we have faced many challenges. We have differed in opinions, priorities and choices. We have disagreed and argued over issues and situations. We have annoyed each other and grown tired of each other. Then at some point, the air clears and we revert back to our natural state of equilibrium with each other and with the universe.

I am convinced that there is no better partner for me, in life and on this trip, than Leo. We are perfectly suited with a common life vision and equipped with a complementary skill set. There are moments when he sees things that I cannot. Those are the times when I am especially grateful for his presence, companionship and support.

Before we had children, before we were married, Leo and I lived in a 1-bedroom apartment at 1200 Mass Ave in Cambridge, Massachusetts for one year during my second year at HBS and his year at MIT. After a long weekend, we had just come back from a trip to Montreal to visit the home of our close friends from MIT, Paul and Marlene. We arrived back at our apartment after dark, later than expected, and I was anxious to get some work done in preparation for classes the next morning. 

Leo stood at the door and fumbled around in his pockets and asked me where the key was. “You have it… right?” We searched through my purse and our bags but we couldn’t find the key. We were already tired and this was really the last thing we needed. I was stressed out thinking of all the time it would take to get a locksmith over which wouldn’t leave me with enough time to read my cases. I wouldn’t be prepared for class the next day and I really don’t like to be unprepared. I sat down in the corridor in despair, my head in my hands, on the verge of tears. Unperturbed, Leo crouched in front of the door, examining the lock and fiddling with the door knob. I saw him from the corner of my eye and impatiently hissed, “Just call the locksmith!” 

He said he just wanted to try one thing. He looked around in his backpack and eventually pulled out a credit card from his wallet. He jammed it into the door and jiggled it around. I looked at him disdainfully, rolled my eyes and at that moment, had zero confidence in my heart. I was growing more annoyed as the minutes passed by. As if by magic, there was a click and the door opened. I absolutely couldn’t believe it. I looked at Leo with stars in my eyes and I was reminded of why I fell in love with him. This man is never lazy, unfailingly resourceful and always willing to try. 

Fast forward to 16 years later. During our first week in Kenya, we were staying at an apartment in Nairobi. We were getting ready to go to the Giraffe Center when Leo forgot the key to our apartment inside. There was no chance to retrieve it ourselves because it is a self-locking door. I was annoyed, for obvious reasons, but really just wanted to get the issue resolved quickly so we could move on with the day. The children were trying their best, coming up with various schemes like parkouring from a neighboring third floor balcony or scaling the wall from the second floor unit below us. 

Amidst the chaos, Leo crouched quietly examining the lock and gently jiggling the door handle. I’ve seen this before and I knew what he was thinking. I told him to just forget it and stop wasting time. He searched around in his backpack and pulled out a couple of old business cards. The children were egging him on but in my heart, I had no confidence. While he was jiggling the door handle, he shoved the business card into the door and within seconds, the door swung open. The children let out joyous cheers. My heart flooded with respect and love because this man is never lazy, unfailingly resourceful and always willing to try.